CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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