So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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