boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
