Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
