I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize