Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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