I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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