She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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