He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
