i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My feet surprised me
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