She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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