And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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