I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
