Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
