I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
barbara walters just said penis...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
