can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
