The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize