I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
