took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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