The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
