Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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