Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
