I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
