In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I looked at my own cervix.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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