New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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