My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
