Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
