Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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