susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
