i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
