he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
