Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
