Sry I called you an 8
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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