I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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