Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
