I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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