That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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