I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
