I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
