Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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