OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
