We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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