he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
