I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
