I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
