i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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