hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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