I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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