whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
