i just wanna soil my oats bro
Jerry, you need to find god
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
