and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
