we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
