i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
