So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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