2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
