oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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