At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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