I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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