You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
