There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
