he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
