Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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