This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
