Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
