DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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