i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
