Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
