Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Alive.
So much puke
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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