Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
