if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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