you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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