I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
