why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
