well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
