you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
