I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
