i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
