So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
