Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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