omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
