he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
