Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
